Almost an Author by Susan Tarr

Author:Susan Tarr [Tarr, Susan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Junction Publishing
Published: 2018-09-17T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty

Barbara must be exhausted. I can think of no other reason why she should cancel our book tour to another city after it had been formally arranged and confirmed by all of us.

Because I try to be courteous, if nothing else, I phone the host library to apologize and explain that as part of Banning Books I won’t be going over as planned. Well, the librarian seems genuinely disappointed. They were looking forward to my visit since they received the fliers about my book. She asked if I might be free to brainstorm with their team, right now.

I stab a date on the calendar, and the woman says, ‘Leave it to me.’ So I do. Within days I receive a formal letter setting out their proposed itinerary for me. Seven libraries. Something about when the iron’s hot. Or a fish in a cage is worth more. So excited. And it’s all just for me and my books.

From the opportunity shop, for $1, I buy a pair of tight elastic pants that go down to my knees. Granted, they’re a size smaller than I would normally wear, but once I haul them up I feel like Elle Macpherson. They’re brand new and very firm. The upside of all that heavy duty elastic is that I have no tummy line. But I can’t drive in them because they don’t allow my body to bend and sit behind the wheel, so I keep them in my handbag.

Ready for my first library talk, I’m wearing my new knickers. I look like a chopstick—not a bump in sight. It’s very peaceful here. All those readers reading. I’m shown into a spacious reading room, with no bookshelves. Lots of comfy chairs, and tables. Best of all, there are people of all ages milling around, waiting for me. One motherly woman brings out a deep leather tub chair for me to sit in, while an old man is handing around chocolate-coated ginger and Turkish Delight. Someone else is in charge of a selection of refreshments. I’m famished and parched yet I can’t eat or drink a thing. When encouraged to sit, again—and again—I decide that drooling over treats and flashing smiles all morning is not going to sell my book.

I explain…

One lady offers to go down the road to buy me new panties. I hasten to say I have normal ones on underneath and I’m not complaining, just explaining why I cannot function like a normal person.

A well-dressed older man says, “Well, take your lovely coat off, lassie, and let’s see how well these cast iron knickers work.”

I oblige, and get a standing ovation. That sets the tone and relaxes me.

A younger woman asks outright how I got them on and am I sure it isn’t only the smaller size that’s causing my problem. I have the knickers wrapped over and over around my waist, like a farmer docking lambs’ tails with rubber rings. I feel like my top half, or bottom half, is going to be detached.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.